Spoiler alert: Life is not a movie or a novel. We don't get commercial breaks and we can't DVR the parts we want to experience while deleting the rest. Sometimes things work out perfectly for a few minutes or hours or even days, but more often than not we end up reacting to whatever is thrown our way and out of our control. I am sitting here, trying to pack my stuff for 2 different events that have been in my calendar for a year...and i have feelings of disappointment, fear, excitement, joy, anger, anxiety, anticipation and disappointment..(oh, did i mentiion that already?)
This time last year I was enjoying the grand experience of being at my first Beachbody Summit. I soaked everything in and couldn't wait until this year where I knew I would be recognized on stage for my awesome achievements.
This time 2 years ago, I finished my first marathon in Missoula, ending months of agonizing training so I could fulfill a dream. I began thinking ahead to this year's marathon and how I would improve my time.
This time last year life was going well and my family was enjoying the beginnings of a relaxing summer. I anticipated this summer and the traveling we would do.
But then a funny thing happened: Reality exploded all around me...
I am attending my second Summit next week without having advanced in the organization as much as I wanted. I am not bringing my team with me like I had imagined and I am not at the level I just KNEW I would be. I worked hard this year but still came short of so many goals.
I am running a half-marathon tomorrow because an injury took me out of my training. I wanted to do a full so badly and even though the spirit is willing, the flesh is weaker than it used to be. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
I am entering this summer after the hardest year, personally, I've ever had. There is no traveling or real vacation but we are going forward in spite of difficult circumstances. And after all of these, I want to share a little secret with you: We are the authors of our own stories in the sense that we get to decide how to fill in the pages when the curveballs come. We only succumb to the pain and sadness and despair when we stop trying. Just because my "timeline" is off...it doesn't mean i won't hit all these goals. It just means down the road...and i am ok with that.
Failing is not an option because it's an attitude and not a fact.
Every day I wake up and continue to press on is another victory for me because I know what I have come through and where I'm going. My life is defined not by theme music but by the character I display. I don't have endorsements but I do have the love and support of people who love and care for me. And I am not a failure because I know who I am. I can do this.
... I already am.
I can't believe I started this countdown 63 days ago.
As you can see, there are black marked out squares....Alot more than i wanted. But, thats ok. the point is...i didn't quit. I didn't give up. I kept going. Even though at times, i felt like i was failing. Forget about failure.
If we really TRY, that is a huge success. Regardless of what you’re trying to do – finish college, get in shape, start a business, making a difference, etc. – you have already achieved something by simply putting in the effort.
I started this lifestyle change 1 1/2 years ago. I wanted to be at my goal already. I thought I would be. I have seen people throughout this process that reached there goal way faster than me..and slower than me. But, sometimes things don't go the way we plan or how we plan or in the amount of time we plan.
And thats ok...
You just have to hold your head up and be proud of the progress you have made. For a perfectionist (me 😎) ...sometimes it seems better to quit then to fail. But...that's not true. Instead of taking a bunch of steps backwards, we just need to make the necessary adjustments and keep going!
No step towards your goal is a small one.
I will be heading out in a few hours to meet with a bunch of other beachbody coaches. "Old Tina" would have cancelled the trip because I was too embarrassed to go not being at the goal i set for myself.
I am so stoked to be have earned this trip. To be going. #operationpuntacana is done. I am damn proud of the work I put in. I wasn't perfect, but I never am, so nothing new there! ha ha ha 🤣 I will be going confidently and happily. I will enjoy every damn day because I earned it. I worked hard for it...and I won't let a number on a scale or "missing abs" take that away from me.
I did see lots of changes during the last 63 days...most of them on my mind and heart. I did lose inches, pounds and gained some arm muscles from SO MANY PUSHUPS (still hate Autumn Calabrese😜 )
Why am i sharing this? Because:
👊🏼Im getting stronger.
👊🏼I didnt quit.
👊🏼Im still going.
And if its possible for this 43 year old mama...it can happen for you.
When I was a kid, April Fools Day was fun because I could play jokes on people or say whatever I wanted and then brush it off by saying, "April Fools!" It was the perfect day to revel in mischief or be a little ornery and get away with it because whatever I did or said could be excused by declaring two little words.
But I'm not a kid anymore.
When I don't accomplish things, don't get things done or let life get in the way of what I need to do, I don't have the luxury of erasing the day with my magic little formula. Life happens really fast and in a perfect world I would be able to do all my daily errands, work on my business, spend time with my family, complete all my workout goals, and handle any unexpected things that present themselves. But I live in a far from perfect world and there's no way I can 'April Fools' my way into a reset button.
So everyday I move forward and do the best I can with the time I have. A few years ago I would have beaten myself up if I didn't finish everything I needed to do in a day. I would have felt like a failure by not reaching goals or milestones I made for myself. I placed an unhealthy amount of pressure on myself to perform instead of live, and there's a significant difference.
Performance implies I am doing things with the expectation of being judged. I will succeed or fail based on what I accomplish and what I neglect so there is always a weight around my neck. Performing means everything is based on results and the process is irrelevant. I have learned NOT to live like this anymore.
Living is a fluid existence that stems from who I am and the journey I have embarked upon. Yes, I work really hard to reach the goals I set BUT the emphasis is on how I get there and am I being true to myself and not pretending for the sake of appearances. Life is messy and living means harnessing all that messiness and running with it! Success is waking up every morning and pressing forward without any negative pressure and failure is not an option because I will not adopt that attitude. We don't need a "next monday" or a "new month" or even a "new year". We just need a new mindset.
Because what I have learned on this journey is that the only way i really fail, is if I quit.
Im a 44 year old Mom taking charge of her health and who's passionate about helping you live your healthiest, happiest life.