It was love at first sight ❤️
I bought it without even trying it on. I had to have it. I had every intention of wearing it that summer. And you know how it is. life happens.
First, it was folded up on top of a shelf in my closet. It was packed there for a long time and I mostly forgot about it. Occasionally I would think about it and contemplate looking at it. It spent a little time on a hanger nestled among other things that I had; things that I used all the time. I actually even stored it under my bed for a couple years. It was easier to forget about it than it was to know it existed but was unusable.
From 1999 until today it was always something that was theoretical.
But not anymore.
Today I wore a dress that I dearly love but have never had the confidence to wear. ( 1. because it never fit properly and 2. because I just was too nervous/afraid to do it ) Today was a culmination of dreams and hopes and a lot of hard work. I am proud of many things in my life and I know that being this excited over wearing a dress might not seem like too big of a deal and actually, it's not the dress at all that is the main point. It's that I was able to fulfill a goal that I had given up on for years.
8 to be exact.
Every now and then I'd dust off the dream and work for it but life would get in the way and eventually I would give up on it.
But not anymore. Today was an amazing day and I looked beautiful and felt amazing and wanted to encourage you that just because some dreams take a while to come true, it doesn't mean they won't.
I'm writing this because I'm tired of your attempts to sideline me by trying to terrorize me into doubting myself. It seems my whole life you've been lurking around the corner, in the shadows. When I was a kid you told me there were monsters in my closet. In high school, it was a whole new set of lies designed to make me hate myself. You were unrelenting in college as I actually accepted your lies and thought harming my body was the only way to be skinny.
I hate you.
And now, as a wife, mom, example to my daughter and leader of other women, I finally see you for what you really are: a fraud that only wins because I let you. You have no real power over me because all your strength stems from deception. I've wasted too much time and energy trying to fight you and it feels so amazingly liberating to be free from you. You're not some monster or god; you're a cowardly bully and I've had enough. You are just so pathetic.
I win because I accept, embrace, and love who I am. Every part of me -physical, mental, emotional, spiritual- is phenomenal and I reject every lie you advance. I will not fail because every day I wake up is a victory. I will not give up because I have all I need within me. I might stumble along the way and there will be tough days when I feel you creeping in but that's just a part of life and I don't have to give in. You no longer cripple me and you can try as hard as you want...
But, I win.
On that note, i have to go finish my coffee,
Im a 44 year old Mom taking charge of her health and who's passionate about helping you live your healthiest, happiest life.