So...i had to come share something not very flattering..but a total NSV for me. A win in my book.
For years...I have not been in pictures with the kids. I was too embarrassed. Too insecure. Too Uncomfortable. Too fat...blah blah blah. I always made sure to be the one taking the pictures. And now..when we look at the photo albums (yes, actual pics😜) I am barely in any of them..and if i am, I'm in the back or its just my face. If i HAD to be in a picture, i made sure i was strategically placed or that someone else was... I was the queen of reasons/excuses.
I will never forget one time looking at the photo albums with Sophie and she asked where i was...how come i wasn't around. Why didnt i spend time with them when they were little...😳 It totally broke my heart. I hated that i put my insecurities first and I never gave it a second thought what my kids would think when they looked at those pictures.
So, today...we took some fun/dumb pics of our memories for our future selves...and i made sure to be in them. In my mind, i was pretty proud of myself. When we came in the house..i noticed of course my flaws...the cellulite still on my legs. As someone that has been on this healthy journey for the last 2 years and that works out at least 5 days most weeks...im not gonna lie..at first i almost deleted the picture. I was upset and was just like..seriously??? I don't want evidence of me like this... It just didn't feel like it was a good picture of the hard work i have put in. The 45+ pounds i have lost...the 40+ inches i have shed. My legs are so strong now..and when i looked at the picture, i didn't see strength.
And then..i remembered that talk with Sophie. I want them to look back at today and see i was with them. That my very strong muscular legs with a little extra love... was with them...
That i was present...cellulite and all <3
Life is built around expectations and memories and sometimes it's up to us to adjust both if we want to avoid driving ourselves crazy. I just spent the last three days relaxing with my family in a resort that we went to QUITE few years ago, when my kids were younger and life was simpler. We dropped a decent chunk of change to enjoy the Memorial Day weekend. (thanks to Beachbody ;-) ) Things didn't really go according to plan. But that's life, right?
My husband and I booked a room and made arrangements to do some things that were awesome a few years ago, when our kids weren't on the verge of being 10th and 8th graders. We quickly discovered that family vacations are going to be different from this point on. We got off to a rocky start because our kids have changed so much and we sort of expected them to enjoy something they had outgrown through no fault of their own. It was awkward and my first thought was, "Are you freaking kidding me, why can't you be grateful?"
My expectations were based on memories and if we wanted to have any sort of fun it was my husband and I who had to adjust. It's difficult watching your kids grow up right in front of you and no matter how badly you want to keep and protect them from all the grown up worries you deal with, you know it's only a matter of time before they move on and start families of their own. I will always have my memories but now they are centered around conversations and interaction and not telling the kids what to do and monitoring their every movement. And it's hard but amazing.
The weekend ended up going well and we still did some goofy things and laughed and just kicked back. But life is changing and now I see my kids for who they were, who they are are, and who they can become. They will always be my "kids" and no matter how tall my son gets or how my daughter continues to grow, I will still see pigtails and floaty armbands in the pool. But now I appreciate well-thought out conversation and hearing their thoughts on life. They don't cling to me but their sideways hugs mean the world because I know they are choosing to do it.
We swam and went to the movies and had some great food but the greatest moments came on the balcony, just talking and enjoying the blazing heat. Or preparing lunch in our room while creating food combinations that should not ever be duplicated. It was these times... Riding the gondola up the mountain was wonderful but it was the conversations that reminded me how amazing my kids are. We all adjusted and had a good time.
Yeah, this Memorial Day didn't go according to plan but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Im a 44 year old Mom taking charge of her health and who's passionate about helping you live your healthiest, happiest life.