I don't think they make cards for days like tomorrow.
It was 22 years ago that Curt and I got married and started our life together. We were young and bright-eyed and going to take the world by storm because we thought we could do anything, together. We had very few material things and even fewer cares as we travelled the world together, doing what we loved.
Its hard to think about the last 2 years. Some days, i have no idea how we are going to get through and other days it almost seems like before "D-Day" (discovery day is what its called). But the last two years, the laughs have been fewer. The path has led to unforeseen places. Lives have been changed and dreams have been dashed. Our foundation was broken. Tomorrow is supposed to be an anniversary but how is a person supposed to celebrate something that hurts? There is no point commemorating a day that is a reminder of a broken life. I told you they don't really make cards for days like tomorrow, believe me...I spent quite a few hours looking. Fortunately, tomorrow is not the final word and there is another chapter or two left to spin the tale of a love redeemed and grace shown.
Because even though its been a bit of a roller coaster, the highs are more often than the lows. The smiles are beginning to resurface and hearts are beating again. Our life continues on with a measured pace but there is a bounce in our steps that was once forgotten. Life continues in ways we never intended but joy and hope now come around for longer, more deliberate visits.
Friendship is being restored and cultivated because while much of the past needed to be removed, some of it... the good parts of it... are being replanted and springing to life. And while this will never be a day I feel like throwing a party and celebrating, it can be a day that symbolizes that true love does cast out all fear. Tomorrow is a monument to the greatest sacrifice ever made and also to the one we make every day. We choose to love and forgive and move on because the faith and hope in what we will become is far more powerful than what has tried to define us.
Tomorrow might not be easy but I have hope and our future seems brighter than I thought it could be.
Here are some pics of 2018. And what i love is the smiles are real.
God is good.
Anyone that knows me at all, knows that this has been one of the hardest years of my life. There have been some days that my goal for myself is to just function. As a coach, this is not what i am supposed to do... let alone actually tell anyone that this is where i am at. And there have been many days over this year that i have felt like a fraud. But one thing i am...is honest and I try to be transparent. So, on that note...here we go.
Im writing this today for anyone who's ever GAINED weight during an extremely difficult time in their life. It might feel like you are alone, but you need to know, You are NOT alone!
Last fall, I experienced the most heartbreaking situation. I couldn't shut down because i am a mom and a coach, but from November - March, I was in survival mode. Somedays all I could do was get out of bed, get dressed and take care of my kids. Of course, the first thing out the window was the good habits of taking care of myself. But, I couldn't let go completely because...I am a coach. I packed on 10lbs due to the very confusing and dark time I was going through. I couldn't get myself to work out or eat well. And everyday, i would get up and think, "I need to get back in the game!" but, I just felt like such a failure, I couldn't get my act together. And the thing that hurt the most was that I KNEW what i needed to do. I KNEW the food to eat, i KNEW the plans to follow by heart. I just felt so weak. It's CRAZY what EMOTIONAL STRESS can do to the body.
It has been 11 months and today when i weighed, i was exactly 15lbs heavier than i was last year at this time.
And I have had enough.
I feel gross.
I feel weak.
I am emotionally and physically tired.
I got off that scale and had that feeling I had when I originally started this journey 2 years ago! I HAVE to start taking care of myself. I am a better person when I am taking care of myself. And I KNOW THIS! Even though life is sometimes out of control...my health is something I can control. And when life happens, we cant let it derail us. And i feel like that is what has happened to me. Don't get me wrong, the past 11 months haven't all been bad. I still get up every day and try, but not the way someone who is SERIOUS about changing there lifestyle does. I have had some good days sprinkled in there, but not many. On a positive note, I am grateful. I am grateful that even though i haven't had any movement really this past year...I didn't fully give up. And i totally would have before Beachbody. I would have given up completely..on everything.
Thankfully, I am daily weathering this life storm, and today I'm in a much better place. I tell my challengers all the time that the only way we fail is if we QUIT. And that has been getting me through every day this last year. Most days i have messed up or failed in some aspect, but I wont give up... And again, today is my Day 1.
As personal and scary as this was to share, I hope it helps ONE person know that there is grace and hope. You can make it through, you'll be OK. Just don't ever forget to take care of yourself! I am so grateful that I was not alone this year. That even though i felt like i was failing..DAILY...i still tried. I still showed up.
So, if you are ready to walk this journey with someone that knows GRACE and persistence...come with me. Im looking for women who want join me in completely transforming their bodies. Its not always easy, but it is so much better when we are doing it together. My next group starts November 5th and I am ready to go. We have 8 weeks left of this year and ALOT can happen in 8 weeks. (Aren't you interested to see what you can do in 8 weeks??? I am ❤️ )
There ya have it. Yep, I am a coach...a coach that isn't perfect. But a coach that will never give up...on myself or you.
Im a 44 year old Mom taking charge of her health and who's passionate about helping you live your healthiest, happiest life.