I don't think they make cards for days like tomorrow.
It was 22 years ago that Curt and I got married and started our life together. We were young and bright-eyed and going to take the world by storm because we thought we could do anything, together. We had very few material things and even fewer cares as we travelled the world together, doing what we loved.
Its hard to think about the last 2 years. Some days, i have no idea how we are going to get through and other days it almost seems like before "D-Day" (discovery day is what its called). But the last two years, the laughs have been fewer. The path has led to unforeseen places. Lives have been changed and dreams have been dashed. Our foundation was broken. Tomorrow is supposed to be an anniversary but how is a person supposed to celebrate something that hurts? There is no point commemorating a day that is a reminder of a broken life. I told you they don't really make cards for days like tomorrow, believe me...I spent quite a few hours looking. Fortunately, tomorrow is not the final word and there is another chapter or two left to spin the tale of a love redeemed and grace shown.
Because even though its been a bit of a roller coaster, the highs are more often than the lows. The smiles are beginning to resurface and hearts are beating again. Our life continues on with a measured pace but there is a bounce in our steps that was once forgotten. Life continues in ways we never intended but joy and hope now come around for longer, more deliberate visits.
Friendship is being restored and cultivated because while much of the past needed to be removed, some of it... the good parts of it... are being replanted and springing to life. And while this will never be a day I feel like throwing a party and celebrating, it can be a day that symbolizes that true love does cast out all fear. Tomorrow is a monument to the greatest sacrifice ever made and also to the one we make every day. We choose to love and forgive and move on because the faith and hope in what we will become is far more powerful than what has tried to define us.
Tomorrow might not be easy but I have hope and our future seems brighter than I thought it could be.
Here are some pics of 2018. And what i love is the smiles are real.
God is good.
So, once again, i woke up this morning to another "on this day" memory on facebook. But it was actually from 2 years ago. It was a good memory. A great little post I made about how i felt about my marriage...2 years ago, 19 years being celebrated.
Now, Here i sit...trying to get out how i feel about it. I have been thinking about it all day. I know i have had quite a few of these blogs the past 2 months..but that is because its here...in my face, a year later.
How do you celebrate something that represents two things that are opposite one another? December 7 marks the 21st year my husband and I have been married and on this day two years ago I thought we were invincible. I recalled all the previous anniversaries we celebrated and the cards and gifts and promises. Two years ago the future held promise and adventure and excitement. So how do you celebrate a day that now doesn't have the same meaning? Last year we were apart and in the beginning stages of figuring out what we were going to do, how to make it through each day... forget about the next 20 years.
So here we are.
I've 364 days other days to remind me that this day would show up once again. It won't go away or be ignored or let my emotions off the hook. I'm back at ground zero and this day just no longer has any significance to us. It actually is a reminder that promises weren't kept and hearts were broken and feelings were betrayed. I didn't sign up for this 21 years ago. I feel sad and a significant sense of loss and mourning.
BUT I'm still here.
We are still here.
Even if this is a different version of the journey we started together, we are still traveling together. And some days are still very hard and emotional. Some days I wonder if it's going to come to end. But then I look back over the last year and I realize there are some days that inspire hope and a new future. I wonder if redemption means a new start and the day doesn't matter nearly as much the journey. Yes, there are still reminders of the past and I can't ignore them, but I also see glimpses of the future and I want to embrace them.
Right now this day might as well be the 7th of October or March 21st or any other day because it does not signify what it originally meant to me. I know this might not make sense to some people and it's okay for others to have their own opinions. But this is our life and we are so thankful to those who have been truly supportive and loving towards us. This has not been an easy year and your relationships mean the world to us. We love you.
I guess there are no easy answers for tomorrow and that's okay. We will keep working, every day, to restore what has been lost and and create new experiences that we will treasure.
All that matters right now is that we are choosing to do it together. Our Anniversary might not mean what it did...but we celebrate because its a new day that we are here together. And that makes it significant.
" I, I'm a new day rising
I'm a brand new sky
To hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
Do I stay or run away
And leave it all behind?
It's times like these you learn to live again
It's times like these you give and give again
It's times like these you learn to love again
It's times like these time and time again"
-taken from "Times like These" Foo Fighters
Im a 44 year old Mom taking charge of her health and who's passionate about helping you live your healthiest, happiest life.